I was driving in the car 30 minutes ago, on my way home from dropping one daughter off at her friend's house and getting back to pick up my other daughter and drive her to the place where her day would then unfold.
Feeling relatively happy, I turned on the radio just as the song featured in the video below came on. As I drove, I imagined myself dancing with abandon (one of my favourite things to do and something I don't do often enough, I am at my most 'connected' when lost in dance and song) ... and so unexpectedly, I filled up with intense emotion that cinched my heart, filled my eyes with stinging tears and left an impression like a vice grip was squeezing my throat.
"Where did THAT come from," I asked myself. Because it definitely comes from somewhere. Pain or yearnings or guidance is in us for the interpreting - waiting, patiently waiting for a portal to emerge through; a crack, an opening, a trigger of one kind or another that allows it to show up, full force, in a recognizable way.
So I traced back through the event, looking for clues. (You'll be happy to know that at this point, I'd already arrived home. I'm one of those people who are best not to Reflect and Drive at the same time.) And this passage that I read last July came to mind:
"Sometimes there's just too much to consider, too much to understand and analyze, too many consequences to play out in our mind, too many things to clean, unpack, or repair before we can go out and play.
Sometimes the simplest and best use of our will is to drop it all and just walk out from under everything that is covering us, even if only for an hour or so - just walk out from under the webs we've spun, the tasks we've assumed, the problems we have to solve. They'll be there when we get back, and maybe some of them will fall apart without our worry to hold them up." (From The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo)
And therein lay my answer. The song itself did not impact me nearly so much as how, while listening to it, I imagined myself jumping up out of a chair, letting my hair down, and dancing, kicking, jiving, and jitter-bugging around a room full of happy, light-spirited people doing the same.
My Spirit emerged through the radio today to remind me that, every now and then, it's both healthy and necessary to give yourself permission to ease out from under every now and then - just walk out from under the roles you play, the responsibilities you carry, the challenges you face, the resolutions you seek; and allow your Self to be the Saxman playing like his soul is on fire.
Has this ever happened to you? Can you even remember the last time you put everything down and let your Spirit dance, sing, laugh, whatever makes you light up from the inside? Maybe you could carve out a little time today, or tomorrow, or even next week to heal and rejuvenate in this way.
I love this for so many reasons - mostly because it demonstrates the way emotions sometimes come, unbidden, unexpected and demand to be released. And so often, music is a catalyst for that. When I was younger, and numb to my feelings, it was the ONLY way I could release pent up feelings of sadness, rejection, overwhelm. I'd close my bedroom door and put on my James Taylor or Carole King records and sing along, letting my tears come - and when the song was over, I'd emerge lighter, cleansed.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this beautiful reminder.
'You just call out my name - and you know wherever I am ~ I'll come running, to see you again ...' - my favourite James Taylor song. Though I loved him even more in duet with Carly Simon (Mockingbird) and Allison Kraus (How's the World Treating You?).
ReplyDelete'I feel the earth, move, under my feet - I feel the sky tumbelling down, a tumbelling down ...' ... Carole King had SO MANY great songs!!
We're kindred spirits for sure. The deal is sealed if while you were behind your closed bedroom door - you also picked up your hairbrush and belted out the song along with James or Carole while looking in the dresser mirror imagining you were them!
Thank YOU for THIS beautiful reminder ...
Sally, you've just taken me on a trip down memory lane with Powder Blues Band. I was just out of University and headed to Vancouver to live with a friend when this song was popular. And it is a great dancing song. And I do love to let my hair down with a song, but don't do it often enough. Carole King, for sure. Elton John's Levon or Tiny Dancer or Saturday Nights Alright for fighting and anything by Frank Sinatra. My tastes are eclectic. Thanks fir the reminder.
ReplyDelete'Hold me closer Tiny Dancer ...'. Did you watch WKRP in Cincinnati in its day? I loved the episode when the group from Russia came over and the leader of the group was entranced by Bailey ~ and would quote lyrics from 'Tiny Dancer' to her. And the whole crew facilitated the passage to his ultimate defection. What a great show. Thank you so much for triggering this memory of 'passage' for me Kim!
ReplyDeleteOhmyword! You ALL triggered musical memories - as I read the lyrics each song played in my head and the feelings rolled in!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE how music can open us up - and oh, Amy - I knew that place of numbness when I was younger, too.
Once, when I worked in the Alzheimer's & mental health unit of a nursing home, there was a resident who could not speak at all - but when the music therapist was in and played hymns this little lady could SING Amazing Grace. The therapist told me she'd seen many musical miracles.
Sally, your T.S. Eliot quote is pretty much my all time favorite quote. I saw it for the first time on a poster - way back in '71 (that's a long time ago - maybe it was carved on a rock - lol) - and have been in love with it since. When I saw it first my heart almost stopped.
Because I tend to stuff my emotions I have experienced the unexpected flooding, usually at the most inconvenient times. I can definitely relate. jody
ReplyDeleteThank you for being here Karen!
ReplyDeleteMusic works miracles - in any of its forms; song, dance, instrumental, whatever. What a break-through you describe ~ my heard would have cracked wide open!
I came across that T. S. Eliot quote in Gary Zukav's book "The Seat of the Soul". I, too, was struck by it immediately - it spoke to me on just about every level. I even made several bookmarks featuring the quote with pictures, laminated them and used them in the various books I'd be reading at any given time. In my Journals too.
I may take it out of my site header though ~ I'm noticing that it becomes the blog post descriptor when I post the link on other sites to let people know it's here. I feel it's giving the impression that I keep writing the same blog post over and over and over again.
Though it DOES capture the essence of exploration quite beautifully ...
Hi Jody ~ thank you so much for letting me know you were here!
ReplyDeleteUnexpected flooding - THAT is awkward. In fact, if our emotional displays could time themselves in more appropriate ways ... we'd probably engage with them more often and maybe even invite them to cleanse us with permission.
There's information in the uprising though ~ and I guess part of the secret is to accept the emotions as they rise rather than stuff them to be more pleasing or appropriate to others.
Life really ain't no place for sissies!