I find myself withdrawing from Life a lot. I have the capacity to engage, to focus with intent, to honour with purpose and to connect in community; but lately, I have lacked a desire to do so.
I spoke about this with an online friend of mine last week. (Her name is Annie - she shares her thoughts, opinions and feelings about life in general here ~ and her honesty and word mastery is enviable.) Part of the conversation focused on the grumpiness we were feeling about trends we're seeing in Social Media. Most of the 'grump' was mine ~ but Annie could certainly relate to what I was saying and has, at times, felt the same.
At root, for me, is a stream of Self Absorption that runs through just about everything. Apathy, too, gloops about in abundance - an inability or unwillingness to critically think, to focus, to engage and to contribute with significance in meaningful ways.
I did acknowledge that this could all be the hormones speaking. One of the Gifts of Menopause, I think, is the increasing inability to
tolerate stupidity, insignificance, egocentric drivel and lazy effort.
At least, that's been my gift -- though not knowing exactly what to DO
with this gift, it still feels much like a curse. Life was easier when
Accepting came so easily to me.
At the end of the day though ~ I am judging what I see taking place all around me and not really doing too much to change things. Where would I even begin?
I did joke about launching a Wake Up Revolution ~ but from my experience with many in my off-line life - there's a happiness with the way things are and the way things appear to be going and the consensus seems to be that 'I think too much' and 'need to lighten up' because 'I take things way too seriously.'
It's lonely though. The sense of isolation, the desire to see things differently, the need to respond to Life in new ways, the yearning to infuse purpose into most everything I do and to respect my Self for the personal responsibility I bring to each interaction, circumstance and event in my life ~ all of that, and the feeling that I'm doing that alone, is hard.
So, here's what I think I'll do, for now ...
I'm going to find my way back to places that honour me, feelings I'd like to experience, values and qualities I hold as sacred. I will open my heart to the possibility that maybe everything I believe to be true about things that really matter to me - maybe there's the possibility that my thinking is flawed, my beliefs are founded on something other than truth - and I'm willingly and actively exploring this possibility with an open mind and a desire to re-assess, recalibrate and make informed choices as a result of what I learn.
I'm embracing What If? What if I'm not alone in feeling lost and adrift at times where transition is desirable.? What if I'm not the only one who wishes that there was less lip service to working towards what really matters and more action to get us there? What if others would like to see a shift in the way we currently live our lives - and perhaps share a desire to actively engage in that shift, and maybe we'll even connect and synergize and be the change we'd each like to see and experience?
What if?
This week, I'm beginning with Humility.
"Humility ... gives us a connection with everything older than we are and so, provides us with a calming perspective outside of our daily worries, and often beyond our understanding.
... How we all climb through the trials of our outer life to the precipice of humility and indwell there on the edge of mystery. How we climb through our suffering to a place where we can carve out a tiny home from which to dizzy ourselves with the knowledge that we are small and the Universe is big.
... There, on the inner cliffs where humbled creatures meet to see what can't be seen and know what can't be known, we spread our arms like hawks to taste the ancient air. We spread our minds like trees rooted on the edge to accept the end of knowledge arriving like sun, not to instruct us but to warm us and help us grow." (p. 266, The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo)
It is important for me to be Humble. Gratitude flows more easily. Miracles begin reappearing all around me. Wonder and reverence is experienced in the most ordinary of moments. This is a good starting place for me. Somewhere I feel a real interest in showing up.
If this is a passage you're undertaking right now - at any stage or in any way, shape or form ~ let me know. It would be nice to have friends to check in with from time to time.
Many folks bought into the idea that healing themselves will heal the world. However, lost was the healing the world part with an extended time in healing oneself. I believe we can do both at the same time. We can BE and DO to make things better. Amplifying self-responsbility is needed and that we ARE "thy brother's keeper" in many ways. Your words are refreshing. Thanks! Sandra
ReplyDeleteThank you for understanding where I'm coming from Sandra. That's exactly it ~ on the way to better connecting with Self, many stopped there; becoming a contributor to the problem rather than a solution for the mutual benefit of all.
ReplyDeleteIt's like an either/all swing on the pendulum, isn't it? I look forward to being part of a change that sees us swinging more effectively back to the middle again - where our fellow human beings are equally as important to us as we are to ourselves ~ and how our thoughts, words and actions truly can make or break the forward movement of society as a whole.
Sally, I understand the feelings of isolation completely - I too feel like I'm the only person who is interested in change. It sometimes feels like there are two worlds - the inside one and the outside one - and they don't mix. I also find that I don't know how to go about changing things - because I don't know enough about myself to fully understand my values - but those I do hold are not necessarily held by others and that results in conflict. I also get frustrated by the lack of social responsibility in our society - everyone seems to be 'in it for themselves' and no-one wants to take care of others - regardless of how vulnerable they may be. So, there's my rant. Now I can go off and continue to try and understand myself!!!
ReplyDeleteSally,
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone. This need to change is around many of us right now. I agree that we must stay open to other possibilities and ways of being in order to grow, but I also don't think we have to question ideas and beliefs that we have been formulating and fine-tuning our entire lives. You have a wisdom about you that is like a guiding light. It needs to shine and pave the way for those who are searching for another way to live...whether it happens on a blog post or through your daily activities...just being you will bring about the transformation that is so desperately needed. Thank you for mentioning our conversation. I look forward to many more with you!
I think it's so healthy to find simple virtues that have slipped from our grasp. I remember once when I found I didn't have any compassion the way I should have. I wondered how I had come to this place where I had lost that, and spent time focusing on it. I need to remind myself of it more because I come from a family that is a real "pull yourself up from the bootstraps." But focusing as you do on it, can bring that virtue back top of mind. Good for you and keep us informed how it's going for you.
ReplyDeleteKaren B - seems like we're sharing this Passage to the integration of two worlds (inner and external)and also the desire to kick-start a wake up to improved social responsibility amongst the masses. Your final comment caught my attention though - and actually inspired the blog post I just published a few minutes ago (What if Finding Yourself is part of the problem?)
ReplyDeleteWhat makes us angry or irritated or upset holds as much information as what inspires us, makes us happy and provokes admiration. What you might want to consider is not so much that you have to understand yourself ~ but to accept what you are learning to be true for yourself, and what you'll do with that in light of how it may not be as readily acceptable to those around you.
I say this with love - because I'm fairly certain it's where I'm stalled right now too. The Truths I'm clarifying and assessing, once evaluated and confirmed as either Truth or Outdated Data, will force change for me one way or the other.
My intent is to keep key relationships and priorities intact - and going about them differently from a more authentic place going forward.
But I am also painfully aware that my life view, once established, is not going to be popular with everyone -- and a transition will take place in other aspects of my life as a result.
The Truth really DOES set you free - and while we can hope beyond hope that it aligns with the way we desire things to work out ... sometimes we have to trust in the Truth and see what emerges when we do.
One thing we now both know for sure - we're not doing this alone!
Thank you Annie. I am finding this questioning process fascinating though - now that I'm past the "Oh my gosh, if I step into new beliefs, or update them with new information -- so much could change as a result!" phase.
ReplyDeleteAs you know, I've been swimming in the depths of Spirituality for many years now ~ and it has changed my life in the most positive of ways.
I'm also married to an Atheist - which has really helped me to expand my thinking and 'keep it real' in many ways.
I'm finding that, when seriously considered and assessed ~ the interpretation of certain beliefs is wide open to whomever chooses to interpret them. And in this regard, what may have been intended in original messages has somehow gotten lost - and personal responsibility has really taken a hit as a result. (In that, many have abdicated it.)
Once I've aptly identified specific behaviours and attributes that are impairing our progress as a society in the way they're being applied (or not) now - I'll have a mission. So far, Focus, Engagement and Personal Responsibility are on the list. And of course, it goes without saying, that I will be turning the telescope IN before I'll have anything of value to say OUT.
I thoroughly enjoy our conversations too - thank you!
Focus and top of mind are key strategies for me too Anonymous. Our minds are so much more powerful than we give them credit for -- and can be used in so many useful and creative ways.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever chosen how you want to feel throughout a day BEFORE you get out of bed and step into that day?
Try it. (Unless you've already done it.) Select a quality that would feel good throughout the day (Harmony, Peace, Compassion, Understanding, etc.) ~ and then respond to EVERYTHING and EVERYONE you face that day as that quality.
So, if Understanding is your goal for the day -- then choose ONLY thoughts, words and actions that promote Understanding (vs thoughts, words or actions that defend, validate, justify, confirm whatever might be challenged).
You'll be amazed at how powerful this exercise is if you can apply the focus and awareness to breathe life into it all day long.
Thank you for your interest in my updates - that means a lot to me!
You know what? I hadn't really tried that before! It's great advice. I've found that as I get older, I roll with the punches more. But I like this because harmony would help me handle the higher stress days like what is coming up soon.
ReplyDeleteBTW, I have no idea how to get this comment box to accept my name, so I'm just including who I am as I think of it. Take care, hon and thanks for sharing the journey. (Beth)