Why I cherish the Ugly Pants ...

Years ago, I happened upon a Reba McEntire video while home from work with a cold. I'm not generally a fan of Country Music ~ but I find their story lines quite moving.

This video was odd in that there was a huge segment of 'acting' between song verses. To this day, the power of the message still resonates within me. It's called Is There Life Out There and it beautifully captures the essence of an Interruption ~ the wake-up it provides, the attention it calls into play, the sacred space it creates for you to step out of your head-space and choose whether or not to make somebody else feel special or important or worthy of your time.

Reba was a working mom, going to college at night to earn her degree so that she could better provide for her family. She was feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and fearful that she wasn't as good as the other students because she was so much older.

After three weeks of toil and sweat, she finishes writing a term paper worth a good portion of her final mark.  While she's getting ready for her day, her young son is playing at Reba's desk. The daughter chastises him, saying that it's Mommy's desk and he shouldn't be playing there. As she tussles with her brother to get him out of the room, she accidentally knocks a cup of coffe over -- spilling it all over the paper that was typed and ready to hand in (no computer, it was a long time ago).

Reba explodes. The stress she's been carrying for months flows out of her in that one, horrible moment. All the hours she's dedicated to learning, studying, researching and writing ... now blurring under a coffee knocked over by mistake.

She goes to her daughter, who is pleading mercy at this point, stunned at what's just taken place. As Reba begins to reprimand her severely, her husband walks into the room and calls a time out.

While sympathetic to her stress ~ he wastes no time putting the situation in perspective ... leaving her feeling very ashamed of herself for dumping so much emotional stress on her poor daughter who only wanted to help her Mom.

The scene then moves to the college classroom - where the term papers are being returned to the students. Reba is the last to be called - and gets an 'A'.

As the college professor tells her what he specifically liked about the paper, he hands it to her ~ and says something to the effect of "Great work. But next time, try to avoid the coffee stains."

You see, while she read to her daughter and made amends for her outburst, her husband had carefully blotted and blow-dried each page so she wouldn't have to do it again. And Reba had handed it in as it was. Smiling at her 'A', she said, "I actually learned more from those coffee stains than I did from writing the paper."

 

For me, interruptions are like that. They're unexpected wake-ups when you're focused on one thing that remind you that 'there's life out there'.

There's a pair of pants I used to wear while working out that I only wore for things like working out because they have two giant white blotches on them ... one on each leg, just above the knees.
 

One day, as my oldest daughter was leaving for school - she said, "You're not actually going OUT in those pants, are you?" In the time it takes to blink - I immediately relived the 'splotching incident' ... the interruption that caused them and the lesson those splotches contain.

My oldest daughter and I had been sitting together on the back deck - she was only 6 then. She'd asked if I would repaint her nails before she went to someone's birthday party. This was just one more 'thing to do' in an already busy day. But I'm a Mom, it's my job, so - off we went to the back deck - nail polish remover, new nail polish colour and all.

While anyone looking in on the scene would see a Mother and Daughter happily engaged in a bonding moment, the reality was that I was not really there at all. I was somewhere in my head, restructuring my day, re-prioritizing To Dos to ensure everything would get done, thinking through dinner, etc.

My daughter was chattering away - and I was nodding at what seemed like appropriate intervals, probably even giving encouraging sounds too, like "really?" and "wow!".

When suddenly, BLAT!! A big, black squirrel landed within millimeters of me. I HATE squirrels! And there was one so close - it was shocking.

I'd had the nail polish remover bottle firmly between my knees as I was wiping the old polish from my daughter's nails. The sudden arrival of the dark interloper had me start so violently that nail polish remover launched out of the bottle like a volcano ... landing in two strangely shaped splotches on my pants.

And standing here in the kitchen, listening to this same daughter, 7 years later, ask me if I'm going to wear THOSE pants outside, with absolutely no recollection of how they got that way, makes me smile inside.

You see - those pants remind me of the importance of always being present when with your children. Do you know what my daughter was chattering about that day when I was going through the motions, too preoccupied to listen? She was telling me that there was a squirrel on the shed roof right above my head -- and it looked like it was going to jump on us.

What luck that it landed on the deck beside me and not on one of the two of us. Heaven knows what possessed that squirrel to launch itself at us on that day ... but the message I took from it has not been lost.

I look at those two white spots and I remember, BE here, now. Don't abandon the person who is with you by escaping somewhere into your own head with thoughts that take you out of the moment, detaching you from all that really matters with distractions of future thinking for things that may or may not ever take place.

So while the rest of the family may deride my 'ugly pants' ... to me - they couldn't be more sacred. And I wonder what life event will bring my daughter to this place of understanding that the sacred is created in the here and now - for those awake enough to notice interruptions for what they represent and honour them as such.

(Here's the Reba video I mentioned at the beginning. I just watched it again, and melted with the message.)

The Winds of Change ...

Today's Writing Circle Prompt: We don’t know anything. There is a place between here and there, between mystery and science, between staying and leaving, between choice and becoming: a place where most of us do not want to stay very long. We want to name and explain everything. We want to understand, to know – so we can put things in their places.

And yet, sitting in this space of not yet, of “I don’t know,” can be the most powerful place of all. For it is here, having departed the familiar and not yet arrived at the ‘who knows where,’ that anything is possible. Come and sit in the in-between for a while. Write from there.

Consider, from this place of becoming and dreams, what is moving toward you through the silence? What gathers at the edges of your life, awaiting entry? What clarity have you left behind in order to embrace the not-yet-formed? What is beginning to stir inside of you, not yet born but almost ready to emerge?

The Gap. The place of Pure Potential. The Space Between. Between the Lines. The Silence that Speaks Volumes. Is it possible that we actually don't know anything? Or is it more likely that we know, or have access to, more than we can understand in one fell swoop? 

I believe the latter. I believe that Visionaries lead us to places many of us don't have the Imagination to clearly see ourselves. I believe that we host Inspired Moments where the possible presents itself to us in full technicolour ~ and it is up to us to embrace it, accept it and run with it -- or write it off as a dream.

I believe that we are infinitely creative with potential beyond description. I also believe that many of us don't believe that to be true of ourselves.

"There are stories in our silences. The things that don't get said speak louder than we even dream they can. They echo through the space between, the place I long to be - and this never-ending empty where I am." ~ Don Aker, The Space Between. 

We know lots.  What we don't all know is how to meaningfully tap into the Source that knows, so that we, too, may know. Maybe because the path has not always been easy or pleasant for that person who knows, who tries to teach, and who meets resistance because of the change s/he represents.

The wisdom is abundant for those who admit they don't yet know everything; for their minds, and hearts, are open to new information, new experience and creative new ideas. Slipping into 'the Gap' and seeing/hearing/feeling inspiration lights your heart aflame and sparks your Spirit to life.

Where would we be if not for the Visionaries who not only captured an idea as it emerged from within them ~ but then acted on it too? 

Be the Wind of Change, no matter how small or large your gesture ~ if inspiration finds you, honour it, act on it and know that somehow, somewhere - your act is significant.

 

Thank you for the music ...

This morning, I joined a Writing Circle. It runs through the month of December and anyone with an inkling to join is more than welcome to do so.

I read about it here, at my friend Amy Oscar's site. She'll be sharing 'about one prompt per day' (can you feel the breathing space already? She'll do her best to provide prompts each day, we'll do our best to participate whenever we can - very inviting, I think) and interested participants determine their levels of interest, availability of time, mode of creative expression, etc.

Today's prompt is Begin. We are going on a journey. Who knows where it will lead? What will you take along? What will you leave behind.

Write it as a list; write it into a story; do a photo essay; make a collage. Consider including things which other people might not see, if they rifled through your luggage: experiences, memories, intentions. Tell us your destination (if you want to, if you know). What map (if any) will you use to chart your course? Will you strike out on your own, pack the newborn into a Snugli? Will you travel on foot, by car, by magic carpet? Do you journey alone or shall we walk side-by-side?

I'll be posting my reflections here ~ when inspired to do so, and also - when time allows. If you choose to join this Circle, please let me know so that we can support each other along the way. If you're on Twitter and desire to tweet your blog post links - use this hashtag so other participants have the opportunity to read your work too: #DecWritO

Mmm Hmm she says I began to sing long before I could talk ...

In the world in my head ~ Life is one beautiful musical. 

A song score underlines key interactions ~ rendering it impossible for pain, hurt, fear and confusion to lie silent beneath the surface. Emotions are felt; their beat, timbre and nuance unmistakable..

Words are replaced by symbols - allowing faster access to the heart with less chance of misinterpretation or misunderstanding.

We all have time in the spotlight as Solo Artists, when necessary or appropriate - and we're also part of beautiful back-up groups for others.  Transition from Soloist to Back-Up happens with ease - allowing the message to determine the overall performance.

Harmony rules ~ even in discord, there would be a place for each voice and a definition and context for each sound.

Creative expression is exaggerated - dancers leap and spin, singers belt it out from their diaphragms and all members of any given scene contribute value and play their roles with care and attention.

We always play to a full house - appreciative audiences, who respond to our efforts immediately and never leaving us wondering if we've been seen, heard or paid attention to.

Having someone always available to tend to clothes, hair and make-up is handy too.

And with each day, I have the opportunity to bring this inner world into my outer world ~ allowing each interaction, project and situation I'm engaged with a chance to begin from a magical place; filling my heart and soul in the process.

 

What if 'Finding Yourself' is part of the problem?

I've been blog writing for awhile. Not consistently in any one place ~ and the name of my blog site tends to change when I feel the motivation behind my writing changes.

Almost two years ago, I launched a blog called Finding My Self Along the Way. (Right now, it's called Where Sissies Fear to Tread - it's not getting much use at the moment, but it's about to. You can find it here if you'd like to connect with me there too. But I digress.) 

That's been a big deal to me - finding my Self, with a capital S, the essence of Who I Am, What I Have to Gift and How Best I Can Serve. There's a lot of online encouragement to engage in this practice too - quotations flow in abundance, Spiritual and Self-Help Experts open FB pages and Twitter accounts for easier access, workshops, e-books, communities and kindred seekers are all but a mouse click or two away. And while I have found aspects of m Self that had lain dormant for awhile ~ in this quest toward Honesty and this passage to Truth and Purpose, I must also admit that at some point - the practice stopped helping and served instead to hinder.

Gone Gone Gone She's Been Gone So Long I Wonder If I'm Ever Gonna See That Girl .. 

We are fluid beings. We grow, we change, we improve, we regress, we learn, we forget ~ and we keep moving forward into our next best selves, day in and day out. 

There are most definitely time periods in my life when I liked myself better. There are times when I impressed myself more. There are times when I'm disappointed in who I was and there are times when I don't even recognize myself as me, so different am I now from then.

If you embrace the theory that all there is, is NOW, this present moment ~ shaped by the past and preparing for the future, Finding Your Self can be helpful - and also, detrimental. 

I know that deep disconnect from Self is possible. I know that one's own dreams and goals can be veiled behind the dreams and goals of others ~ and that it's possible not to even know this until you've realized or achieved the dream or goal, only to feel much emptier than you'd anticipated. 

I know that if putting your Self into your own Life has never been a daily practice for you, that if you lived to please others, impress others, be recognized by others only to somehow never feel fulfilled by all of that - I know that in cases like this, connecting with Who You Are may be a valuable first step.

I also know that the process of Finding One's Self can become a life-long endeavour in keeping one's self stuck and to be forever lost in the finding, the seeking, the excavating - resulting in a disconnection of potentially greater proportion than the one that initially  started your searching: you become lost in what was, what might be and how to possibly get there from here.

Who do you desire to create your Self to be?

Believe me, I am not judging anyone engaged with inner healing, inner connection and self-identification. Goodness, I've been doing it for quite some time myself. And as someone who often struggled to comfortably answer, "Who am I?" - I feel compelled to share that it became much easier to do when I stopped looking at the word NOWHERE and started seeing instead, NOW HERE.

I am Now Here. In any given moment of any given day - I am Now Here. 

I know more than I did up to this moment, I'm capable of choosing thoughts, words and actions differently than I did up to this moment, and I'm capable of creating a Self that lives up to my potential whenever I choose.

I am Now Here - and I can choose to emulate beautiful qualities I admire in others, qualities that I always discover were within me all along ~ I'd just needed them reflected to me by someone who allowed me to see that it was possible.

I am Now Here - and I can choose to apply focus and attention to priorities that matter to me, or priorities that matter to others, or to activities that can be stretched out to fill an entire day - but really constitute busy work that allows me to procrastinate on what I know, in my heart, really deserves and requires my attention.

I am Now Here - and I can see People Pleasing as a disease that's rendering me ineffective - or I can put it into a healthier context and implement it in a more responsible way in the recognition that serving others IS a meaningful expression of who we all are at heart; Self-ish vs Self-less.

My point is this ...

It is critical to have personal boundaries - and sometimes, Life calls for those boundaries to be elastic. Self-healing is important - if the inner well depletes, you truly do have nothing of value to give. Self-absorption is non-productive. We learn most about our Selves in relationship with others. Through others, we learn what we determine to be acceptable and not acceptable. We learn what feels comfortable and what feels uncomfortable. With exploration and willingness to try new things ~ we hone in on what makes our hearts sing and what shuts us down completely. Through others, we more easily determine Who We Are Not, Who We Are Now and Who We Desire To Create Ourselves To Be.

And know this, the information you are gathering and collecting is time sensitive and best used sooner than later. Because tomorrow, or next week, or 6 months from now ~ Who You Are Now may be firmly allocated to Who You Were Back Then. 

The common denominator in all this, is YOU. 

Whatever you're thinking, whatever you're saying, whatever you're doing, whatever you're dreaming - THAT is Who You Are, Here Now. And if any of that displeases you - then you have the responsibility to your Self to identify what you will now do to create your Self as you better desire to be. 

A perspective shift that may help all of us who are in the process of moving through, under, over or past something on the way from one place to another is this: we are not Seekers or Finders so much as we are Beautiful Creators. 

What inspires us? What do we hold as important in our hearts? Who have we seen thinking or speaking or behaving in a way that caused Admiration to rise within us? And how do we go about bringing the 'all of that' into our every day realities in a way that allows US to serve as breathing inspirations to others?

At the very least, it's worth a try.